Well, so break is over and everything is back to same old, same old. But I'm glad. I'd rather be at school all day than stuck at home with nothing else to do. I'm also thinking about joining a club this semester and I've definitely decided to do some volunteering. The idea came to me when mom was in the hospital at Stoneybrook General. I decided I want to volunteer. So I talked with the volunteer coordinator last week and it turns out they do have a program for high school students who want to volunteer. So after school on Wednesdays and Fridays I'm going to be help pass around flowers, mail and doing other things like that in the hospital. I have an orientation on Saturday where I'll get my name badge, my uniform (a polo shirt with the hospital name on it) and be trained at what I need to do. I'm pretty excited about it actually. I've been thinking a little about what I want to do when I graduate, and while I really like gardening and flowers, there's not a ton of career possibilities, other than gardening and owning a flower shop. But I like science, so I've been thinking about maybe doing nursing. I'm only a Sophomore, so I have awhile to decide though, but its a possibility. Hopefully volunteering will help me decide. Okay, I've got to finish up my math homework and head off to bed now. Night!

Well the new year is here. I'm also halfway done with Sophomore year already, one more semester and I'll be halfway through high school. Anyway, my new years eve wasn't very exciting. Maria and I hung out and watched TV and gorged ourselves on junk food. I did get to talk to Shannon in Colorado which was nice. It would have been nicer to spend New Years Eve at a party or with a guy to kiss at midnight, but since mom wasn't home, I didn't want to leave Maria alone. Besides, I had no guy to kiss. Today I went to starbucks with Amanda and we picked up lattes then we went to Barnes and Noble and I used some of a giftcard dad gave me to get a few books and some magazines. Pretty not-exciting. Hopefully something will happen to change that soon, though I doubt it.

I wonder what the teachers what think if they knew I used study hall to update my Livejournal. I wonder if I would care what they think. Anyway, here it is a few days before Christmas and how much shopping have I done? Hardly any. I have no idea what to get anyone, and I'm not even sure if anyone except Maria really cares about presents this year. I don't know if I do. I never thought I'd say that, I used to be so into Christmas and presents were my favorite part of the holiday. Rushing downstairs Christmas morning to see what Santa left us. Then I stopped believing in Santa, but I still enjoyed the holiday tradition. But now everything's different. I suppose I could get dad "The Joy of Cooking" or "Cooking for Dummies" or something. If he wouldn't be insulted by that. Maybe I should check with Shannon. Shannon... maybe just a gift card to a bookstore. She has so many books and things already I wouldn't know what to get her. Maria I've already gotten a few little things for so I'm sure I can find some clothes and some CD's and things to fill out her gift. She's the easiest to shop for. Well, her and Astrid... I just get Astrid some bones and toys from the pet store. Then there's Mom. The only gift Mom would appreciate would be a bottle of rum or something. Ugh, maybe Shan has a better idea. Maybe we can all 3 of us go in on one gift for mom, and maybe dad. I just want the holidays to be over. I'd almost rather be at school all day than stuck at home. Ho ho ho... merry christmas.

This whole week has been... something. I don't even really know what to say about it. I knew mom's drinking was a problem, but I didn't know it would get this bad. I didn't know our Thanksgiving weekend would end up mostly spent at Stoneybrook General. Or the rest of the week spent taking care of mom who pretty much just lies in bed. First I have to take care of Maria because Shannon bails on us, now this. What's next?

What is happening to my life? Dad is gone, Mom's always drinking or sleeping or passed out drunk, Shannon has moved out and Maria, well she's the same and ditto for Astrid, except I have to walk her by myself most days now, but now I have to be responsible for both of them since Mom can barely remember she's a parent and Dad and Shannon are gone. :/ Why did Shannon have to leave? She knows we need her. I need her. I got past the Bart thing. I don't even care that she's going to some party with him. He's a douchebag, whatever. But she left us. I'm mad about that. And sad. I want her to come home. Life sucks lately and there's nothing I can do about any of it.

Bart just posted a message about ME on the boards. Yes, me, little Tiffany Kilbourne, a SOPHOMORE. On the one hand, it was kind of embarassing... and on the other hand, he is hot and I like that he thinks I'M hot, even if I've heard some stories about him. I don't even know what to say. "Thank you?", "Hey baby let's hook up?", "Go away creep-o?". I'm sure Shannon would love the last one. I hope she doesn't say anything to embarass me... if the words "little girl", "young" or anything like that come up I'll just die. Same with Josh... while it is sweet that my gay crush is defending me, if he mentions what happened this summer at camp... oh god. I'll be finished. I don't think I'm ready for this kind of publicity yet. Maybe when I'm a Senior.

So, my biology class is the computer lab learning how to search research journals for our first paper that's due in October. However, since most of us know how to use online research databases (we only went over it 100 times Freshman year), I doubt anyone's actually doing that. I figured I might as well do something productive. Okay, not productive. Just fun. Well, time-wasting. There we go. So I'm supposed to go over to Dad's tomorrow night for dinner. I guess... I guess I'll go. I don't really have a good excuse. Its Friday night so I won't have to do homework and my friends haven't made any plans, and I doubt that not wanting to will fly as an excuse. I'll go with Shannon and Maria to dad's happy-crappy bachelor pad for either pizza or chinese and I'll sit around pretending to not hate his guts. Oh crap... the teacher wants us to start working on our research topic and she's going to come around and check on our research. Later!

So I wolfed down my lunch in 9 minutes so I could spend the rest of my lunch hour here in the lab. I wanted to check my e-mail and the boards... I thought maybe someone would've said something about whatever the hell was going on outside last night. I woke up and heard all kinds of music, singing and yelling. I looked out the window but it was too dark to see anything and I was just too tired to care, so I have no idea still. I'll have to ask Shannon later. Other than that, I have nothing else to say really, classes are going okay, I guess. I'm going to go check my e-mail and then see how many weirdo pervs tried to add me to their myspace pages today.

So, today I went downtown to go shopping before school starts. I looked at clothes even though I don't really need and I ran into Josh and his "girlfriend". Man that girl has a stick up her ass. Anyway, it turns out, he actually is gay. He frickin' kissed a guy in the fitting room! It was hot too. Damn. Anyway, then I headed over to the Lord and Taylor's and got some earrings and a pair of shoes since we can't wear flip-flops or Sketchers. Only nice black or brown shoes. Then I got some school supplies- pens, pencils, notebooks, filler paper, folders, etc. I put it all on dad's credit card. He won't even notice. Today I found my school schedule in an envelope from SDS. It came while I was at camp and Mom forgot to give it to me. My class schedule seems okay, except math which always sucks. Gym might be okay this year since I'm taking Yoga. :)

1: English 2 (Mrs. Gregory)
2: Geometry (Mr. Fowler)
3: Yoga (Miss Jacobs)
4: Lunch
5: French 2 (Mme Picard)
6: US History (Mr McClure)
7: Art 2 (Ms Wu)
8: Biology 1 (Mrs. Lang)

Yes, I'm finally back from camp! It was an interesting experience but not one I'd do again. And I'm so glad to be in my own home, in my own bed, using my own computer! My actually managed to get her ass over to SHS to pick me up and she brought Maria with her, so that was a surprise! Oh well, I'm going to take a nice long bubble bath now (baths do not exist at camp!) and then just lay in own cozy queen sized bed, in my pajamas, and watch TV. I still need to do some clothes shopping before school starts too, but we'll see when I get around to that. :)

OMG, I actually did it... I snuck onto Mrs. Means computer! I got into her office... she apparently doesn't leave it locked when she leaves. And her username and password are both mmeans, so it wasn't too hard to get in. :D Hehe. I feel so bad. Not. Anyway, I'm totally sick of being here at camp now... its been a long couple of weeks and I'm ready to get home, check on my garden which Maria SAID she'd water for me but I'm not sure actually has been doing it twice a day like she said. I doubt she's done any weeding either. Plus I'm just ready to get back to school. God, I can't believe I said that. But I want to scope out the guys, see if anyone got hot over the summer or any new cute transfers came in. I just definitely do not want to see a certain Josh Rocker around Stoneybrook. I'd be too embarassed. That ass, he lied to me about being gay just to get me off his case. I feel like such a moron. Okay, I really better sign off before someone finds me in here and I get kicked out. Not that I'd care, but mom would really be pissed off then. Ciao!

Written in Tiffany's private notebook at Camp Mohawk

Gay, he said. Gay my ass! If he's gay, then why the hell was he found in Erica what's her face's bed this morning!!! Mrs. Means found them, apparently they spent the night together. So he really didn't like me... it had nothing to do with him being gay or whatever. Please. He could've at least come up with a better lie. Or maybe I should've tried harder. Or less hard. I don't know. But what a jackass. Screw him. I... oops I g2g my counselor needs me to take the kids to the campfire with the other CIT. More on this later.

In two weeks I'm off to Camp Mohawk to be a CIT! It's been awhile since I've gotten to leave Stoneybrook at all for the summer... we haven't really taken any family vacations since Mom and Dad's fighting got really bad, and they've never really let me venture off by myself. Then again, I never really asked. But this year it just got to be too much with, you know, things. So I knew alot of other Stoneybrook kids were going to camp, and I sent in an application too. I didn't really tell anyone until they wrote back saying that they'd have me as a CIT and by that point Mom and Dad both didn't really give a shit what me or my sisters were doing. So I'm off to camp soon! :D

Tomorrow is the last day of school for SDS! :) (I think for all the schools, really!) Wooo! But... what I am going to do for three months now? :/

I am almost done with Freshman year!!! Only a few more weeks to go and I can finally say I'm a SOPHOMORE! Of course, those few weeks happen to involve alot of paper-writing and finals-taking, but with the exception of the evil Algebra, it shouldn't be TOO bad. Oh crap- I have French homework due tomorrow! Au Revoir!

I came home and no one was home. Maria was at swimming I suppose and everyone else... who knows. Eh, who cares. Except, I do... I made myself a microwave chicken pot pie for dinner and I'm watching "Annie" on the ABC Family channel. Pretty pathetic. I had some french homework and a little bit of math, but fuck it.

My parents are getting divorced. I know they had problems... I guess... but I thought all parents fought like that. Most of their dads don't move out. So why is mine? I can't even write about this now. Maybe later.

So, Christmas was okay. Shannon wasn't here, of course, so that was just weird. But I got some okay gifts. I'll have to wait and give Shannon hers when she gets back.


-Gift Card for Express ($100)- mom & dad
-Gift Card for Sephora ($50)- mom & dad
-24k gold earrings- mom & dad
-Angora sweater with matching scarf- mom & dad
-Check for $100- grandparents
-Gift basket of shower gels, bubble baths and lotions- Maria

And lot of chocolate and lip gloss and little crap in my stocking. Thats it for now. SDS doesn't start again until next week, so I have one more day of watching reruns on TVLand and sleeping til noon. Score.

~Tiff